


Insecurity

by Mogadorian_Wolf



Category: The Lorien Legacies - Pittacus Lore
Genre: Angst, Eight bashing, F/M, M/M, Nightmares, So much angst, but i promise there's a happy ending, relationship war, sort of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-14
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-06-02 06:36:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6555316
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mogadorian_Wolf/pseuds/Mogadorian_Wolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nine and Five's relationship is falling apart. What if they're just not right/enough for each other? They're war is breaking everyone else up (mostly because they keep flirting with others)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "You're not what I wanted"

**Author's Note:**

> So when I was writing Grocery Shopping I had this great thing Nine said to Marina when she asked about his boyfriend, You mean that chubby newbie that’s been hitting on your boyfriend like he’s still single?” And because the relationships changed, I had to take it, but I didn't delete it. Then I was listening to Just Give Me a Reason by Pink and this was born. Yeah...  
> I promise I have a happy ending in mind.  
> Also next chapter you'll get to see Nine's side.

**Five pov**

It was the same dream all over again We were in the middle of a fight, and the words just flew out of Nine’s mouth like he’d been holding them in for too long: “You were never what I wanted, Five. I was just waiting for one of the girls to finally take an interest in me, and you were just desperate enough to take it. I don’t love you, never have, never will.”

The words were as bad as if he’d taken a hot knife to my stomach, grinning while he plunged it into me. I’d changed. For him. Left the past behind, changed sides, all for him. How could I kill the guy who, grudgingly, had held me the first time I woke up screaming from a nightmare of Rey dying and pig’s blood? I mean he actually almost had me believing that there was some reason we’d been shipped off to fight a war we had no say in. But it’d never meant anything to him- _I’d_ never been anything to him, and now, I was just too much work for him. He didn’t want anything more to do with me. He never had. And I hated him for that, hated him for making me fall for him, for making me feel like my own heart was being torn out by this revelation. It hadn’t hurt this much with Emma, with Ethan.

And then there was the blood. It seemed like all my dreams featured blood, now. Nine’s blood, mine, Rey’s… didn’t seem to matter much who’s blood it was as long as there was blood, dripping, staining, pouring off of me like water from a downpour. Tonight was even worse. Nine, Rey, Emma, Ethan… every single one of them stared at me, blaming me, blood dripping off their bodies like water from drowned ghosts, while their dead eyes bore into mine accusingly. I’d killed them; they were only dead because of me, because they knew me. Everyone I touched died. They shuffled toward me, slow zombie like steps, barring me in.

Rain was pouring down, only it was blood. Their names were engraved on the tombstones around us. I couldn’t breathe. And then their bodies were smothering me, piling on top of me like a dog pile of the dead. I didn’t even try to fight. I deserved this; I deserved whatever they threw at me.

_“Promise you’re not going to leave me. I don’t think I could stand to lose you.”_ Nine’s voice pressed against my ear, but he didn’t really mean it. That didn’t even belong here.  I was being buried alive in the corpses of the people I’d killed, after all.

 

“Hey. Five. Wake up,” Nine grumbled, shaking me. I was already half-awake, but I silenced the crying that had been escaping. He sighed, arm draping back over my side as he settled into my back again. He muttered something into my shoulder that seemed more like it was coming from his dream than to me. He never said anything about the nightmares, didn’t try to comfort me, didn’t ask about them or hold me so tightly that I thought he wouldn’t let me go, ever. Wasn’t that what good boyfriends were supposed to do?

I got up, hoping desperately that he’d follow, hold me like he had that first night; I wanted that boy, needed him to be real and not just a ploy to lure me in. Behind me, Nine let out a little groan of complaint, and when I dared to glance back, he made a little motion for me to come back. I didn’t, and he didn’t get up, didn’t follow me out of the room. Sarah would’ve done it for John, and he would’ve for her. Sam would’ve done it for Six, and she would’ve done it for him. And Marina and Eight would never be in that position. Even Ella had the whole penthouse there for her nightmares. Who did I have? Nine didn’t even really care about me; it was in everything but his words.

“Five?” Eight’s voice came into the living room as I curled up on the couch, trying not to cry anymore. I looked up to see him shirtless and yawning in the doorway. He wandered over to me, “I heard you get up. Thought I’d see what was up.” This was what Nine was supposed to do for me. He was supposed to be here

I didn’t answer right away, and he didn’t press me. I was still waiting, hoping despite knowing better that Nine would come, would stand in the doorway and ask me what was wrong, come over and just hold me. He wouldn’t. I was just waiting for nothing.

Finally I looked up from my lap, fidgeting and unsure how to ask what I really wanted to know, “How… Nine isn’t into me… I… How would I… I want to know if I can win him back… if… if there’s any part of him that still cares about me or that ever did.”

Eight smiled, “Make him jealous. You’re a wonderful guy, and if he can’t see that… well I can. Do you… do you want me to hold you or anything?”

I was on the verge of nodding, when Nine came in scowling at Eight, “What are you talking about with _my_ boyfriend.” There was a possessive tone in his voice that I wanted to hear more of. It was a way of saying that I was his in a way that I could believe. Eight looked between us with a little smile, before getting up and leaving without another word of encouragement to me. Nine glared at him as he passed on his way to his own bed- he was one of the couples that slept apart. They were probably more stable because of it, or because they knew where they stood in relation to each other.

As Eight passed Nine, Nine purposefully bumping against him. I hid my smile as Eight gave him no more than a hard look before leaving us alone. Maybe he’d been onto something when he suggested flirting. He might have some trouble explaining my flirting to his girlfriend, and I knew if Nine really got possessive it could get Eight hurt, but I personally wondered how far I could push this, how far I could go to get Nine to wrap his arms possessively around me.

Nine casually crossed the living room with what seemed like forced slowness. His shirt was still back in the room. He stopped right beside me, shifting uncomfortable and scowling to try to hide it. I looked up at him expectantly, feeling almost like smiling at him being so… Nine-like. All I really wanted anyway was for him to sit down and pull me into his arms. I wanted him to just hold me, ask what I’d been dreaming about maybe or tell me I was going to be okay, tell me a story, just talk sweet to me. Instead he just growled, “Are you coming back to bed?” Like I was just a warm body.

“You kind of ruined my time alone with Eight,” I told him calmly, feeling the fire burning beneath my skin. It was always a bad sign, even if never felt like it at the time. His scowl deepened dangerously like he was inching toward a fight, but I wasn’t backing off… He couldn’t just keep throwing me off to the side whenever it suited him! When was the last time he’d actually talked to me- something that actually had meaning behind it?

For a moment, I thought he might just storm off ignoring me again- he seemed to be doing that more and more lately- or maybe try to punch me like he tried to before (I think that annoyed John since it almost always ended up with Nine needing healed). Of course if he actually tried to fit me, we’d be going at it like a couple of lions that may or may not end with us spilling our hearts in an indirect manner, and I’d be okay with that. But then he just hissed, “If Eight’s so great, why don’t you just spend the night in his bed then. It’s not like I need to sleep with anyone.”

I winced as he hit the one issue I was only too keenly aware of: He didn’t need me like I needed him. The fire exploded out of my skin, and I was throwing the punch before I fully realized what I was doing. He struck me back, and we were on the ground trying to get the better of the other. I wanted to cry, and when he pinned me to the ground, instead of giving into the urge, instead of letting him how bad he’d hurt me, I hissed the one thing I thought could hurt him back, “At least he cares!”

That earned me a solid punch before Nine bolted off, leaving me on the ground, bleeding. I stared after him before breaking down in sobs. Why did I always make such a mess of things? I always ended up breaking the people I cared about in a fit of temper.


	2. "At least he cares."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nine can't sleep now that Five's gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have no idea when I'm going to get the next chapter up.

**Nine pov**

I couldn’t sleep. It was just too cold in bed, too big. There was an unfamiliar ache in my chest, and there were moments I felt like I couldn’t breathe on top of my new found insomnia. I hadn’t been able to go back to sleep since Five got up to hang out with Eight. I hated that think-he’s-so-funny, boyfriend-stealing Garde. Five was supposed to be all mine. He was supposed to be the one Garde I could hold- Ella didn’t really count. He was supposed to be my boyfriend, the guy I held through the night because it meant I could actually sleep peacefully. With Five in my arms, Sandor and Maddy’s face didn’t haunt my dreams- actually they hadn’t really haunted my dreams since I’d gotten together with Five.

 Other nightmares took their place, sure, but I was easily comforted as long as he stayed in my arms. But instead of letting me hold him, he found someone else he’d rather spend his time with. Well, I could find somebody else too, somebody who would fight with me before making out in each other’s arms and whispering, who’d let me sleep with him, hold him, who could kiss every one of my fears away without even realizing he was doing it, who’d… Why didn’t Four have these problems?

Gritting my teeth, I got out of bed. Sam was always offering to help me out. Actually his exact words were more like “housebreaking” me, and they were whispered to John before I was “tamed” by the nature of a relationship- not my fault I had super hearing. Besides he taught me how to make cookies for Five on our first anniversary. (a whole day was a big deal, okay?) And this would totally qualify as needing help, right? As maybe, kind of… well not wanting to be a complete jerk anymore and wanting to know what to do with Five. Four would probably be a better for relationship advice, but I just needed to hold someone through the night, right now. Besides it wasn’t like Sam was keeping his girlfriend in bed or anything, unlike Four.

Like a moron, I glanced into the living room on my way to Sam’s room, half hoping Five might still be there. This could all just be a big misunderstanding, and I could drag him back to bed, or we could just lay there on the living room floor whispering, and I’d brush his hair out of his face before kissing him, and kissing him… and okay I’d bug Johnny to fix him up before we went to bed; I’d hurt him pretty bad, something I was regretting now that the heat of the moment was over. But it could just be like a million of our other fights, and I’d hold him extra tight tonight…

Of course he wasn’t there; he was probably curled up in Eight’s bed in his arms while the other Garde took care of him, probably kissing him like Five was _his_. My chest tightened, and I felt more ready to kill than I had before I’d gotten with Five. I wouldn’t pull Eight back from falling off the side of the roof- not that it really mattered with his teleportation.

Five was probably telling him all sorts of awful things about me, right now as he pressed those kisses that belonged to me on Eight’s face like they were both single or something. I didn’t care. It wasn’t like Eight was going to live much farther than tomorrow. And besides Sam was going to be there for me, and I was going to make sure Five knew I could be happy with another guy- that he wasn’t a one-time special- after I killed Eight, of course.

I knocked on Sam’s door as softly as I could; no need to potentially wake up his girlfriend as well, since she was only a couple doors down. It seemed to take forever for him to finally open the door, and I found myself eyeing Eight’s door like he could just ignore the annoying bodily function of sleep to take care of something a little more important. The door opened before I could fully commit, and Sam just squinted at me like he couldn’t understand why I was standing there. I shouldered past him into the room, hopping onto his bed. “So if I recall you said you’d be willing to help me if I ever needed it. So you’re going to sleep with me.”

“What?” Sam gaped at me, not moving. I rolled my eyes, flopping back on his bed. Really, I’d been sleeping fine until Five had left had even been having a really nice dream of us having our own house occasionally watching the others’ kids. I sighed before explaining it to him, “Five left me- for that ass we’re currently calling Eight- and I need to sleep with someone. So, I picked you.”

He turned bright red, stuttering, “Uh…. N-n-nine? I’ve-I’ve got a girlfriend.”

I shrugged, “You don’t have to tell her. Just get over here, already. I’m tired and crabby with little patience left.” He still hesitated, eyeing his door like he was thinking of making a run for it. I rolled my eyes. “Stop worrying so much. It’s not like I’m going to kiss you or anything- you’re not that attractive.” Okay maybe Five was a one-time special- but he didn’t need to know that. Nobody did.

For a weird moment I thought Sam looked crestfallen, but I shook that off as absurd, if he was crushing on anyone besides his girlfriend, it had to be on John. Besides he was in third place for calling me an ass (right behind Six and Four).

His gaze swept over me doubtfully, but finally came over to climb into bed with me. I pulled the covers a little over us- I didn’t know rather he wanted them or not. Five always wanted the blankets a little over him to give him the illusion of hiding his body from me. I’d kiss him everywhere I could just to prove it wasn’t necessary. I loved the way he lit up when I did it too, like he knew exactly what I was saying without saying a word. _I love you just the way you are._

 I pulled Sam’s back to me. He was thinner, smaller than Five. For some reason that made my throat and chest get tight. I rested my head against his shoulder. My cheeks were wet, and I couldn’t keep my breath steady. Why couldn’t I be holding Five like this? Why wasn’t I enough for him?

“Are you crying?” Sam whispered gently, turning his head slightly toward me.

“No.”

“It’s okay if you are, you know. You don’t always have to act tough.” His voice was soft, caring, like he knew something he didn’t think I did. One of his hands were tracing a circle on my clasped hands, and I jerked them away, hating how his hands felt, hating that Five would’ve put me to sleep right away. He wouldn’t have asked; he would’ve just leaned back against me. And… Okay, maybe I was crying.

“I just want Five back.”

He rolled around, taking one of my hand in his and gently kissing it. For a guy who’d protested earlier about having a girlfriend, he was being surprisingly affectionate. His eyes met mine, dark and serious, “I know. He probably misses you too. I’ve seen him light up when you reach over to hold him during the movies or just touch him in some way. You two care too much about each other to stay apart for too long- you’re just both too stubborn and insecure- yes you totally are, Nine- to be able to face all those problems you need to. Now go to sleep like you said you wanted to, and in the morning you can go kiss Five and make up. Then I’ll corner him and tell him what a sap you were, crying about how much you missed him.”

I growled, but didn’t form actual words. Some weird part of me kind of wanted him to tell Five that, but I couldn’t let it show. I pushed him back around to have his back to me, and he sighed like I was dense about something.

Sleeping with Sam was weird. He didn’t feel familiar, and it didn’t get rid of the ache, but at least the bed was warm. I closed my eyes, our bodies curling together in an unfamiliar way, especially when he turned back around. I wanted to feel Five’s body against mine, kiss him just to reassure myself, have him kiss me…

               

Without Five to ground me, the nightmare was back- even with Sam keeping me company in bed. It always started with the penthouse burning. John was trapped inside, screaming over the roar of the flames, “My powers aren’t working!”

He cried out as a burning piece of timber hit his shoulder. I turned expecting to find Five, expecting him to put his arms around me, kiss my temple, my lips, my neck, take some of the pain away. Then I remembered. He betrayed us; I hadn’t been enough to make him stay. I hadn’t been able to keep him, and the only way I’d ever feel his lips on my skin again was if he were interrogating me, making me pour all my secrets out by giving me the illusion that he loved me.

Then things changed from my usual nightmare, where I was captured and interrogated by Five in a way that just reminded me that I would never again have him. Instead, he ran a blade through my chest; we never even left the burning penthouse. Some other male put his arms around my boyfriend as Five pulled the blade out, hissing, “You never cared about me enough, Nine. Our relationship was never going to work out because of you. And now? I’m fixing the problem.”

 

I jolted up, starling to Sam who was clinging to me for some reason. My heart was pounding, and I kind of just wanted to throw Sam off of me and run to Five, but Five was sleeping in Eight’s arms. It hadn’t hurt this much last night, had it? The worse of all my thoughts last night were swirling around inside, and it hurt, like they were eating my insides. My eyes were burning, and if Sam didn’t let me go soon, I was going to start kissing him just to take my mind off the fire ravaging my insides.

He wound his arms around my waist, resting his head on my shoulder. “You really need to get back with Five.”

That was like a meltdown phrase. I smashed by mouth against his. It was an unfamiliar feel, but I threw myself into it like this was what I wanted, ignored the clamp on my chest. Sam wriggled underneath me, probably trying to stop me, but that didn’t matter right now. I just had to do everything I could to stop thinking about the backstabbing Garde a couple rooms over.

 I almost didn’t notice when Six walked in.


	3. "I don't need you."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The fall out of all the bad choices of last night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I revised the first two chapters- you might want to check them out.  
> Also I changed the end relationships because this chapter really revealed where it was heading. And I will probably have some chapters from the others perspective.

**Five**

“Did you even sleep?” Eight muttered somewhere over my head as he stirred. His voice sounded a little hoarse from just waking up.

I couldn’t tell him the truth, because despite him pulling me to his room, he didn’t even know what had happened. He’d came back into the living room after Nine had stormed off- something about hearing Nine’s temper in the hallway and wanting to check on me. Of course he’d been more than a little pissed when he noticed the bruise rapidly forming on my face. I guess it must’ve been the first time he saw either of us after one of our fights before John healed us.

He’d insisted on taking me back to his room and wrapping me in his arms like I wanted Nine to do. Funny. Laying in Eight’s arms made me miss Nine more than I had before. Until that moment I hadn’t really realized how much I wanted _Nine_ over anyone else. Eight just felt too… different from the way Nine held me or how Nine kissed me to try to get me to go back to sleep- not that Eight was kissing me or anything. I just missed the way Nine could say the exact opposite of his words with his body. Like when he was trying to tell me how awful I was for insulting his cookies while at the same time, he couldn’t keep his hands off me. It seemed like at night I forgot all of that.

But I couldn’t tell Eight any of that when he thought he was only helping. So I just nodded, muttering into his chest, “Yeah. Best sleep I’ve had in a while. Thanks.”

I could tell from the way he pulled back, starting to sit up, that he sensed sarcasm in my voice but didn’t know where it was coming from. This was exhausting; Nine would’ve let it go, maybe respond with some sarcasm of his own until we were in a sarcastic war, and I was too busy trying to one-up him to think about whatever had been bothering me. Or sometimes, in a rare moment, he’d offer to get me breakfast and we’d just eat in bed or to go a couple rounds with him. And if I felt really bad I’d ask for cookies- _“I thought my cookies were just awful.”_ He didn’t try to figure out what my problem was; he just tried to help me solve it, and if I didn’t tell him what it was, then so be it. God, I was such an idiot. How could I even think that didn’t care about me as much as I cared about him?

Eight sighed, “I take back everything I said last night; I didn’t know what was going on. You shouldn’t stay with someone that’s going hurt you like that, Five. It’s a sign of a bed relationship.” I hadn’t told him about how bad I’d gotten Nine or about the way I’d hurt him more than any physical signs could show. He didn’t understand anything about our relationship.

I grumbled something I didn’t even understand and rolled out of his bed. Time to get this day over with- face the consequences of last night. Maybe I should get over my pride and just apologize- actually tell him about the reoccurring nightmare, stop all this madness before it went much farther- before I pushed Nine permanently away from me.

Eight reached for me, but I stayed out of his reach until I slipped out the door and into Nine-caused chaos (there really wasn’t any other kind). Nine was standing in Sam’s doorway with Sam, rolling his eyes and crossing his arms while Six yelled at them. Of course, Nine wasn’t even facing her, let alone pay attention (John and Sam always laughed, saying that was why he’d never get a girlfriend because he listened to the boys more). His eyes landed on me and narrowed before he growled, “Eight’s room? Seriously? Hope he was worth it.”

“It wasn’t anything Six! He just attacked me!” Sam protested, furtively trying to argue back against his domineering girlfriend. And Eight thought _I_ was in a bad relationship?

At Nine’s comment, Six turned her attention to me, fire in her eyes. “You’re both hitting on already taken guys?” What did Nine _do_ in Sam’s room? We hadn’t even officially broken up! Or maybe him telling me to spend the night in Eight’s bed was a break up line. Well, shit. There went my idea of making up with him. No way was I getting back with a douche that jumped into Sam’s bed the moment I wasn’t around. Maybe those dreams had been onto something more than I’d acknowledge.

“And you’re letting them?” Six had her wrath directed somewhere behind me, momentarily glancing at Sam so he would know he wasn’t free of her tyrannical wrath. She growled something unidentifiable, before crying out behind her, “Marina! We’re going out without our boyfriends today.”

Behind me, Eight snorted and muttered, “Like you don’t already try to.”

Marina popped her head out of her room, and I watched her instead of daring to look at Nine. He’d just slept with Sam like he just figured that Sam could take my place. I didn’t need to see his smug face to know that he didn’t even feel bad about it. I didn’t need to think about how it felt when he put his arms around me during a movie like he was staking his claim on me. Eight was interested, and Marina was cute. She didn’t look too upset at seeing me with her boyfriend, maybe they could just adopt me into their relationship or something?

At a noise from Nine, I dared to glance over. Our eyes met, and my breath caught like he hadn’t just tried to replace me. His eyes were soft, and as his gaze scuttled across the bruise he’d left on my face, I thought I saw a flicker of regret in his eyes. In that moment I thought we could just leave all this behind us, and then I remembered: he’d slept with Sam. In that exact moment, his own gaze hardened with that competitive look Four claimed only caused everyone else trouble- I had no idea what he was talking about it; it was always fun.

Eight put an arm around me, and I glanced up at him to catch him sending a brief dark look at Nine. The moment he catch me watching him, he smiled and motioned for Marina to come over to us. I leaned into his chest, tempted to just bury my face into his chest and ignore Nine, completely. Instead I watch Marina, bite her nails, flashing Six a nervous look before trotting over to us. Six followed right at her heels, still scowling. Eight didn’t seem at all fazed by her blatant dislike, just proudly announced, “We’re adopting him.”

I thought Ella was the mind reader! My gaze darted to Nine’s involuntarily. His eyes were wide, and he looked like he was going to be sick. So it was okay for him to be in bed with Sam, but Eight implying he was going to keep me, wasn’t? He glared at me like it was my fault, and grabbed Sam’s hand and drug him toward the living room, probably with the ultimate goal of the kitchen, instead of sticking around. I was tempted to follow, just to ensure that Sam kept his hands off of my boyfriend, but Nine had already made it clear that he wasn’t mine anymore. No need to be any stupider than I was in thinking he would just take me back. Sam could have him. It wasn’t like he was a good boyfriend or anything. Not like he’d make me cookies, of still sleep with me when I was sick, or anything.

Six snorted, pulling my attention back to where it should’ve been the whole time. “You’re trying to steal Nine’s boyfriend when you still have a girlfriend? Lame. Don’t get stuck with this Marina.” She looked like she was trying to drag Marina away.

Marina bit her lip. “Well we were talking about adopting kids. I thought we’d do it after the war.”

“I’m not a kid.”

Six laughed, “You and Nine act like ones sometimes.”

I scowled, and Eight just sighed, “Why don’t we get to the true problem here, Six. You’ve been trying to steal my girlfriend for the past week. It’s no wonder Sam ditched you for Nine.”

Was it just me, or did the little problem between Nine and me spread?


	4. "Our relationship was never going to work out, anyway."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah... they're not getting back together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm thinking of doing side stories with this mainly Six/Marina and Sam/Eight and how those relationships change through it... thoughts?

                “You really need to work on your jealous streak. I thought you were going to murder Eight when he put his arm around Five,” Sam teased me as I dragged him into the kitchen. I was almost tempted to try making breakfast just for something to do, but I didn’t think pizza would be appreciated.

                “No one would miss him.” The fridge was too empty. I’d have to remind Marina that she needed to go grocery shopping and none of that tofu crap again. Hmm… maybe I should just go with her this time… I only got in trouble when Five was around after all.

                “I would,” Sam pouted, and I spun to look at him. He blushed and shrugged, “What can I say? Eight’s the only one that will actually watch movies with me.”

                “Are you two dating?!”

                He smirked and leaned against the countertop. “Not yet, but I’d say we’re above the whole just friends zone.”

                Well, that was unexpected. I wanted to pursue it more, but Five came into view with Eight’s arm still around his shoulder. That did not look at all like Eight was interested in Sam, and my blood boiled worse than anytime I saw a Mog. It burned with the fire from pain that went in every direction time extended and made me tremble with a noxious mix of anger, pain, and… other stuff. And the brief memories of holding Five like that, of whispering “mine” into his skin only made it worse. It was a thousand times worse than it had been with Maddie because at least then I hadn’t had to see her face both awake and asleep. It’d hit all at once… I’d never even had time to fear it.

And I mean, Five wasn’t even looking at me! I felt like less than nothing to him. He’d probably just been making out with Eight in the hallway; it sure had taken him long enough. Maybe he’d even been working out his bedding arrangement with Marina and Eight. Of course I’d have figured that Marina would have enough common sense to not get involved in boyfriend stealing, but then again last I’d seen Six had been trying to pull Marina away, and Eight did say something about it not being the first time…

                Five’s eyes flickered toward me. He looked like a kicked puppy and for a terrifying moment, I wanted to pull him into my arms and kiss him- forget everything. Our eyes held, and then I remembered him last night at the same time his eyes hardened. He was moving on with Eight, and I needed to show him that I didn’t need him either.

                I pulled Sam in for a long slow kiss, kissing him like he was Five. It was still missing something somehow, like I couldn’t really fool myself into thinking this was what I wanted. Sam wasn’t even trying to push me away or anything else after the little startled noise he made. Now that I thought about it he hadn’t tried to push me away earlier either. That was a weird thought, even weirder than this kiss was.

Sam moved his arms around my waist, and I glanced out of the corner of my eye to see Five just laying his head on his head on Eight’s shoulder, staring up at him with those adoring eyes that made my stomach twist. Eight glared at me as if I was the problem. _“Our relationship was never going to work out. I’m just taking care of the problem.”_

I drew away from Sam, breaking the kiss. It took every part of me not to leap across the counter and deck the guy. I mean, come on! The guy already had a girlfriend; he didn’t need a boyfriend, let alone _my_ boyfriend, and on top of that Sam made it sound like the guy had been making moves on him as well! What did anybody see in the can’t-take-anything-serious, doesn’t-even-know-how-to-use-his-powers-to-their-full-potential Garde? I hated him. Five didn’t even look at me. Why couldn’t he- at least show me that I was something to him? Or maybe I wasn’t. Maybe that was what this was all about. No maybe about it.

It took Sam’s loud groan to even realize that my self-control wasn’t all that great. He’d been holding me back, because of course he’d miss Eight. Everyone would miss Eight. Me? He could jump off a cliff for all I cared, maybe conveniently get turned into a mouse and no one ever found him again. There were lots of really good ways to hide a shape shifter’s body so no one would ever found it.

Six stormed past us, dragging a guilty looking Marina behind her… though she might’ve been trying to hide a smile as well. Seriously when did all this happen? At least it was enough to momentarily distract me from conveniently losing one of the other Garde. I watched as they made their way right to the elevator. Marina waved at us before getting on while Six just glowered at us.

“Don’t forget to get groceries!” I called after them. Six was serious about taking Marina on a date. Weird. Wait…. That would mean Eight and Sam were free now. Damn.

Behind me Sam laughed, while Eight pulled Five toward the roof looking like he was sulking about something. Jerk wanted it all. Well, somebody sure got rid of our happy Garde. It almost made me want to smile, pat Six on the back or something.

 Sam pulled his arms back from around my waist, tapping my arms for attention. I guess he was satisfied that I wasn’t going to make the last six remaining Garde turn into five. Six might even actually help me with that plan. I turned to Sam, smiling like I wasn’t plotting to get his girlfriend to help me with a murder. He looked up at me sheepishly. “It might not be half as bad if she hadn’t accused me a couple days ago of crushing on you.”

“I thought you had a crush on John. What happened to that?”

He gave me a look that everyone seemed to reserve for me, but didn’t respond to that. “She’s been hanging out a lot more with Marina using any excuse she can find- not that I expected you noticed. You and Five are almost as wrapped up in each other as John and Sarah are.”

I wanted to protest that- Five was a traitor backstabbing heartbreaker that I so wasn’t hung up over- but as if mentioning their name brought about their appearance, John and Sarah wandered in, leaning on each other and laughing and just generally acting all nauseatingly coupley. Five and I never acted like that. The only correlation was that we were the only two couple that shared a bed.

At their entrance I let out a piercing wolf whistle. “Johnny-boy, Johnny-boy! What have I told you? We don’t need you giving us a baby in the middle of a war.”

John just gave me an exasperated-annoyed look, while Sarah shot back, “Who said we’d be involving you in our baby care?” God, that girl. Four knew how to pick them. Hot and lots of attitude. If I didn’t like him so much I might be tempted to try stealing her away.

I laughed, fully stepping away from Sam and not at all inching toward the exit Eight had taken when he kidnapped my boyfriend. “Oh baby! If you have one we’re all stuck with it whether you admit it or not. Besides if I want to kidnap her all I have to do is throw you two together and you’ll do the rest.” I winked at her, before trotting off toward the roof.

“Maybe it’ll be a boy!” Sarah shot back barely heard as Sam was right behind me, crying rather too loudly, “Please don’t kill Eight! I need him!”

“I can make him your personal slave,” I offered, not looking back.

“Nine.” John stopped me in my tracks. He was using that authorative, sympathetic voice that could break me faster than anything else. Lucky he had only developed it recently or I’d been screwed a long time ago. Seriously. What kind of friend uses that voices when you’re obviously having very important business to attend to- i.e. killing Eight and hiding his body.

I turned around, slow and tense, glaring at him like I was annoyed but doing this of my own free will because we’re such great friends. He just gave me those sad eyes that saw right through me, “Where’s Five?”

“That’s what we’re going to be soon.” I flashed him a smile before going back to my mission. Behind me Sam whispered, “They broke up. Five spent the night in Eight’s room. He’s a little heartbroken over it right now.”

I could almost sense John’s concern look on my back as he softly replied, “I bet Five is too.”

I didn’t need their pity. I could do just find on my own. I lasted years in a Mog prison on my own. This wouldn’t be any different.


	5. "You deserve better"

**Five**

Eight took me to the roof, like he was wooing me. I couldn’t believe I was ever dumb enough to believe I was anything but a pastime with Nine. He kissed Sam like… like he used to kiss me. I didn’t have the stomach to watch that. Maybe Eight was right about me deserving better, and maybe I was the one who had it all backwards.

                On the roof, Eight pulled me down to sit and into his arms. I looked at him, those pretty eyes, the bright smile. He was gorgeous, but he was Marina’s, and I always thought they were good for each other- back when I’d still been crushing on them. Then Nine had unexpectedly swept me off my feet. I remembered the way he looked at me when he told me that he preferred a fighter for a lover, because they could defend themselves better, and I remembered the way he looked at me when he started gently kissing every inch of my body. I wanted it to be true; I wanted to believe that look in his eyes that seemed to speak of the kind of love that belonged in a fairy tale.

                “You’re such a whore, Eight,” Nine growled behind us, and I turned at Nine’s sudden appearance, stomach squirming in confusion. I was pissed at him for breaking the heart I dared to give him, but I was remembering the fairytale.

                “And why’s that? Because I actually make Five happy,” Eight growled back getting to his feet. I wanted to cry, because this was all my fault, and because what he said wasn’t really true. As frustrating and violent as Nine was, I wanted him; he’d made me happy even if it was only in spurts.

                Nine snarled and punched Eight at that. It was weird to watch Nine fight someone like he fought me, to watch him pin them on the ground, sitting on them. Something in me stirred to a bubble. First Sam then Eight, he was throwing himself at them like I was replaceable. I wanted to be under him like that. I wanted to feel…

                I forced myself to walk away to go downstairs, away from them. Nine wasn’t mine anymore- never would be. Sam was completely unguarded; I could shake him down to figure out just what they did. Maybe I had no right to be jealous since Nine wasn’t mine anymore, but I could pass it onto Six who could take care of it- just leave Nine out of it.

                John and Sarah were downstairs as well, whispering. They abruptly stopped when I stepped in, and I felt my face burn in shame. Everyone knew, and they were all judging me for it, after all I had been the actual traitor. Nine probably told them everything about how I couldn’t be trusted. He was the only one I’d told, the only one who knew the truth of what I’d been doing before this. Why would he keep it when he could ruin me?

                “Tell me you didn’t just leave Nine up there to kill Eight,” Sam whispered with wide eyes. His hands squeezed the counter tops, turning white. Why was Eight so important to him? He’d been in bed with Nine. Eight’d been the one helping me with the truth that Nine didn’t care about me, that maybe I deserved better, better than cookies, and late night movies that I could barely keep my eyes open for, better than a sparring partner that liked to mix up the rules and give free punches or pin me to the ground to make out with me instead. _“Constant fighting isn’t good for a relationship, Five,” He teased as he pressed another kiss to my collarbone and his hands slid under my shirt, fingers lightly trailing along my sides._

                I took a deep breath, pushing the memory from my mind. So he’d been so sweet to me a couple times that didn’t change anything. And so he apparently told Sam he was going to kill the boy that I might’ve been conceivably hitting on, that didn’t mean he was jealous. He still slept with Sam, still said those things to me last night.

                Sam apparently took my lack on an answer as a positive because he let out a curse that I didn’t know he actually knew and ran around the countertop and up the stairs. John watched him go but didn’t go up himself. Instead he turned back to me and announced, “I’m going to call Marina and have her babysit Nine for the day. You can tell us what happened between you two.”

                I glared at him. “Who says I’m going to tell you anything?”

                John just raised his eyebrows.

 

                And a couple hours later, I was of course spilling everything right into John’s chest. I might’ve thought John was weak when we first met, but he had this way of getting every single one of us to do what he wanted us to and getting to the heart of our problems. I’d heard Sam refer to him as a “mother-hen” for a bunch of a traumatized teenagers.

“Then he slept with Sam,” I wailed, my hands bunching up his shirt in my fists. He soothingly rubbed my back with his backup, Sarah, on the other side of me.

                “It sounds rough, but you slept with Eight as well,” John reminded me softly.

                “I didn’t do anything,” I protested, pulling away from him in a fresh surge of rage. I didn’t throw myself at another guy so soon. I didn’t kiss him or... whatever else Nine might’ve done with Sam. I glared at the object in question as he stepped into view from the stairs. He seemed surprised at my attention, and his hair was more messed up than it had been. What had he been doing on the roof with Eight?

                John tapped my shoulder, pulling my attention back to him as he gave me a small gentle smile “Maybe he didn’t do anything-“

                “He kissed Sam!” I cried. “He was caught doing it!”

                For once John looked at a loss at what to do, but Sam stepped in, making his way to the couch. “You two have issues. I never understood how you worked out, but I do know that somehow, the two biggest jerk in the penthouse, worked out and were less of a jerk to us, and taught us all about the importance of knocking even when we’re going to train.” He gave John an amused look and added for his benefit. “You know we’re just going to end up having to let them fight it out, again.”

                John actually laughed, while I just sat there, my knees under me, completely stunned. Let us fight it out? Again?

                “Don’t we always? This time is different, I think. This time they need a little nudge to really work out their problems, don’t you Five?” He gently nudged me with his elbow like he expected me to just automatically agree with him. I wasn’t that struck by their confession to have pretty much been stalking our relationship the whole time. My chest ached.

                I turned my stare slowly on to John and blinked. “You guys are suck stalkers. I can’t believe it. I’m going to go see Eight. He’s much better emotional support than you.”

                John snorted, while Sarah laughed at that as I slowly got to my feet. Sam glared at me as if I had insulted him and not his hero. I swallowed down the bitterness that Sam just couldn’t keep his hands off what wasn’t _his._ Nine wasn’t mine anymore. Eight was never mine to begin with.

                Right as I started making my escape, Sam called my name. I looked over my shoulder at him, and he actually _blushed_ like he had the right to be embarrassed after all that he’d done. He seemed to pull himself together in the next second, and he blurted it out with a big exhale. “Nine would probably be a bit embarrassed and pissed if he found out I told you this, but he cried about you all night. He really does love you.”

                I felt my stomach flutter at the confession and quickly turned to run up the stairs. He cried about last night- all night. Was it true? Could it be? I wanted it to be. I wanted to believe it with all my heart, that he could possibly feel the way I felt. But the dream kept resurfacing even in the light of day, denying it. I stopped in the middle of the stairwell and slid down the wall.

And there, huddled on one step, I cried for everything that had happened, for the lost of my relationship with Nine, and my own fears that held me back.


	6. "Don't you have a boyfriend?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nine goes shopping with Marina. The scene that really started this fic

**Nine**

My stomach churned as I stormed down the street with Marina. She was blushing and swinging her hands like a shy, crushing school girl. I tried not to snap her. She’d been like this since Six had kissed her on the cheek and told her to take care while giving me a nasty glare. So what if no one told me the same thing or seen me off, unless Sam’s suspicious gaze counted. I hadn’t murdered his unofficially, unfaithful, boyfriend-stealing boyfriend yet. It was going to be an accident where he just happened to fall off the roof… and what do you know? He can’t fly. [have a one shot AU where Nine does push him off the roof and finds out that- what do you know? He can fly.]

                “Do you know what the heck is going on with everyone? Are John and Sarah the only ones who aren’t secretly having relationship troubles?” I burst, turning on her. “Or does this whole fiasco include them, and they’re just hiding it so well?” I didn’t want to think about the mess left behind, didn’t want to think about how Five didn’t even look at me when I kissed Sam, didn’t want to think of the way he curled into Eight’s chest up on the roof like he belonged there.

                Marina snorted and put a hand up to her mouth as if to muffle the giggle. “You and Five’s problems are not secret. Everybody knows. It’s like our personal mission, so dictated to us by John, to make sure you two work your problems out. Seriously. It’s like our own personal penthouse drama that everyone’s watching.”

                I stared at her. “Penthouse drama? You guys use our relationship as your personal TV show? And you think _I’m_ rude.” I was already plotting how I could make her little trip the store as painful and completely embarrassing as possible. She should know I had no shame when it came to public behavior. I’d been half the reason we got kicked out of that ice cream shop. I quickly pushed away the image of Five with ice cream dripping from his hair as he’d given me a disbelieving look before attacking me with his own cone with a bright laughing smile. My heart didn’t even break it. Not one bit. I was _fine,_ totally over my traitorous ex-boyfriend.

                She smiled apologetically at me like that made her confession any better. I gave her a genuinely fake smile, and her expression fell. I didn’t feel guilty about it; she didn’t feel bad about using Five and my relationship as entertainment, so why would I feel guilty?  I kept my eyes fixed ahead of us. The wind stung my eyes.

                “You know watching you two is a bonding experience for us. I’ve got Sarah helping me put a scrapbook together for you. We were going to give it to you on your wedding with all the happy memories. The food fight you had when you were supposed to be cooking, or when you were icing cookies and the frosting ended up on your faces, you two are laughing in the picture. Or when you two fell asleep curled together after one of the movie nights with Five’s head on your chest- I think that one’s my favorite. Sarah’s is the one of you clinging to him as he flew you above the roof. He was trying to teach you how to dance in the air, but you were staring at the ground. There’s a lot of good ones.” Her voice was soft and sweet, not dreamy like she was remembering but reminding me of what I’d forgotten, what I didn’t want to remember.

                “Yeah, well that’s all in the past isn’t it?” I bit out. My eyes were starting to burn from the biting wind. I pressed my hand against them, and Marina gently touched the back of my shoulder. I jerked away from her. Didn’t need her pity, her sympathy. I was _fine_.

                She sighed, and I could practically hear her sag in disappointment. “You’re going to tear each other apart if you both keep this up. Communication is key for a relationship to last.”

                “Yeah? Well you’re not doing very well at that, are you? You and Eight are falling apart,” I snapped back and sped up, trying to leave her behind. She’d keep up, and I knew where we were going. This was _my_ city.

 

                Apparently Marina couldn’t be swayed away from her “healthy” food shopping list, or maybe I just wasn’t trying hard enough to persuade her otherwise. No. I was trying my best; I wasn’t some heartbroken chick sobbing her heart out because he doesn’t love her back. A little break up- back-stabbing betrayal- wasn’t enough to slow me down.

                I caught a sight of me in the mirror and the T-shirt I’d thrown on as Marina tossed more greens into her basket. It was the black T-shirt with the saying “Fly on” with little angels on it that Five had gotten for me saying that it was his mark on me with a laugh. He’d wrapped his arms around me and still laughing, whispered in my ear in a tone I would’ve thought was loving. “So you’ll always remember that with me you can always fly, spider love.” It was his nickname for me- one I had actually liked- that he particularly liked to use when I’d pin him on the ceiling in the middle of what was supposed to be a fight and make out with him instead. My chest was being compressed by the damn shirt, and I pulled it off as quickly as I could, still struggling to breathe. The air from the open coolers were making my eyes sting and water.

                I should just shred it or leave it in a dumpster, like he’d left me. It wasn’t like it was amazing shirt or anything; I didn’t even need to wear shirts. For some reason I couldn’t make my hand let go of it, couldn’t get keep my breathing quiet either. Marina glanced over at me like she was worried and then turned red with a little frown and wide eyes. “We could get kicked out for your behavior. And don’t you have a boyfriend who would be pissed that you’re showing yourself off like that without him here to make sure everyone knows your claimed?”

                “You mean that chubby newbie that’s been hitting on your boyfriend like he’s still single?” I bit out. So Five and I had made out in a couple of stores that had a conviently placed bed and decided we really didn’t need shirts all that much, she didn’t need to bring it up. My chest was already tight, and I squeezed the shirt like it actually mattered. I could still see him laying his head on Eight’s shoulder with that adoring look that I thought he’d only given to me. Something started building in my throat. I tried to clear it. I wasn’t going to be that guy that broke down in a store because of a break up. I wasn’t. That wasn’t what this was.

                Her gaze dropped downs to my shirt, and this horrible understanding light entered her eyes. I didn’t need her sympathy or some supportive speech of how Five and I are going to make through this like she wasn’t not-so-secretly crushing on Six while being in a relationship with Eight who apparently was supposed to bed dating Sam behind her back while screwing my boyfriend in everyone’s sight. Seriously what did everyone see in that douchebag? He wasn’t even that great of a fighter with his amazing legacies.

                “You can turn your shirt inside out, but John’s been threatening to put you on a child leash if you didn’t start behaving in the stores, and I don’t think you’d like that,” She threatened, and then her phone went off before she could go on in her scolding.

                “Forget to silence your cell phone before entering,” I teased and turned to exchange an amused look with Five just to remember that he was back at the penthouse cuddling into Eight’s side. It was like running into a brick wall, and how I even knew that was a confiscated video.

                “Hey, John. No, I’m still at the store. And-“ Marina casually answered moving the cart along. She sharply glanced behind at me. “Nine get your shirt.”

                She was probably just doing that to make sure Johnny-boy knew I was misbehaving like he was going to put me in time out or something. I wasn’t scared of him- didn’t even answer to him. She narrowed her eyes, and I stuck my tongue out (there were impressionable children around and I could be a decent role model despite Marina’s- and the rest of the penthouse, excluding my backstabbing ex who I was totally over- claims to the contrary) before shrugging my shirt back on. And if it was inside out, it was just because it had came off that way and I didn’t want to mess with. It didn’t have anything to do with her suggestion. She still smirked like she thought otherwise.

                “Huh? Oh, yeah. I can do that. Anything in particular?” She paused long enough for me to hear Johnny-boy’s voice speaking softly over the phone, trying to make sure I couldn’t hear what he was saying. He should keep his nose in his own business. I didn’t tell him how to live his romantic life.

                Marina glanced at me worriedly, like she wasn’t sure how I would take them talking about me. Hell, if I didn’t already have pretty good idea already, she would’ve given it all away with that look. I just smiled all sweetly at her, like I didn’t know what they were doing.


	7. "My Heart isn't to be Owned"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Five tears into Eight and talks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm realizing that I'm sort of bashing Eight. I do love Eight...

“You know, I know everyone says you two are great together that you just have problems from your time with the mogs, but if he makes you cry like this… I don’t think you should’ve given him your heart or let him own any part of you,” Eight said above me.

                I lifted my head to look at him, feeling the familiar burn of fury. “My heart isn’t some object to be owned. And he doesn’t _own_ me. Just like I don’t _own_ him in any way. You know who really deserves better? Sam! You and Six both treat him like crap. He endured torture, came and saved Four’s ass instead of getting the hell out of our twisted lives and Six accuses him of cheating while running off with Marina, and you seem to hit on everyone that might be remotely interested!”

                He looked shocked at me, but I wasn’t going to back off because he thought he was doing me a favor. Maybe Nine broke my heart, and maybe he didn’t really care about me, but he had the guts to at least listen and not thrust his opinions on me like Eight seemed to be constantly doing.

                “I’m sorry.” He actually looked down sheepishly, and I realized at some point I’d bolted up and turned to concrete. “You’re right. He does deserve better.” His arms wrapped self-consciencely around himself. “I just thought Marina and I were perfect, and then she started hanging around Six, and I could see the way she looked at her. She loved her in a way she didn’t love me. I just clung to Sam because he was in the same boat I was. He deserves better than that.”

                For a moment, I just silently watched him. “And what do you plan to do about that? Because I think for some odd reason he does care about you, and after everything he’s done for us he deserves some sort of happy ending.”

                Eight studied me for a moment, before giving me a sad smile and nodded. “He does. He deserves that kind of support you have.” He paused. “You really care about him, don’t you? I always thought you were so caught up in Nine’s… I wouldn’t even call it charm really, to care about anybody else. But you two haven’t really had any time since the break up to form that kind of bond.”

                “It’s not really your problem, is it?” I reminded him, sinking back down to the stairs. I wanted him to leave me alone, now. After a long waiting moment, he silently left, and I tilted my head back against the concrete wall, letting my defenses fall. Tears leaked from my eyes again. My own insecurity had ruined the wonderful relationship I’d had with Nine. Maybe forever. The dream didn’t seem so real right now. I wished Nine would just come in and embrace me, the way he hadn’t last night, and for a moment I tried to lose myself in a happy memory between us.

                _Nine hummed, draped over me in our comfortable bed. The lights were on, and we could hear the other occupants’ voices outside. It was too early to go to bed, but we had slipped into the room alone. I buried my face in Nine’s neck, wanting to hide with him forever._

_“I don’t want to leave. We could just stay in here for the night,” Nine suggested as he nuzzled my neck. “They can take care of themselves. As long as they don’t destroy my penthouse. I might have to throw them off the building if they do that.”_

_It was easy to lose myself in this little safe bubble he created. This was my happy place, the place I’d heard mentioned in shows and movies. I pressed closer to him, draping a leg over him. “Promise we’ll always be like this.”_

_He laughed. “I’d promise, but its war. We’re going to change; we’re going to lose people, but as long as we can hold out, hold on. I promise I’ll be here for you.”_

                “Hey.” I looked up to Sam coming up the steps toward me. He slid down the wall across from me, folding his arms. “Eight seems a little shook up about whatever you said to him. Which is funny cause you guys seemed so buddy-buddy before.”

                His voice sounded strained, like he was trying not to cry. I couldn’t look at him like that, so I just stared at the door to the penthouse. “My heart isn’t something that can be owned or a battle prize to be won. Eight didn’t seem to get that. And personally… I think you deserve better Sam. Better than someone who would make advances on others when they’re supposed to be with you.”

                I could feel Sam’s steady, piercing gaze on me several moments before he spoke up. “You know you’re being surprisingly nice, especially after a break up like that. I know that relationship with Nine changed you in a good way, but… I think this relationship… “break” is doing you some good, too.”

                “You think being broken up with, watching him _kiss_ you, is making me a better person?” I asked, trying to keep the choked tone out with an increased disbelief and bitterness.

                He snorted, and I looked over at him, to see him hugging his knees as he stared at me. “No. I think this is more you having to face something about yourself. The first was more… love softening you up or something.”

                I couldn’t exactly argue with that, but I wasn’t going to agree or go into personal details. He stood up after a moment, casually tossing out: “John has some plan to help you guys get back together, or at least help you guys talk your problems out. I thought I’d give you a heads up, since Nine probably already knows with his hearing.”

                He went back into the penthouse, leaving me in the stairwell with that thought. I sighed. The real question in all this was if I really wanted to be back with Nine. What would I do if our relationship was irrepairable? Or if it wasn’t what I wanted anymore? I wished I had someone to really talk to about this- someone who had been there the way Nine said Sandor had been…

                Terrible exes should’ve been on our list of commonalities. Not that we ever talked about them. Maybe that’s where we went wrong; we didn’t talk enough like they did in romance movies that Marina watched. Marina…

                I got up. If anyone could help, it would be Marina. I suppose the shining duo could be a second bet. It was time to try and get my life back together, to finally face what the past issues, I guess. The way John and Marina had gently suggested both of us had needed to do, to face what this war, what our time with the Mogs, did to us.


End file.
